So. Tired. Can’t. Sleep. Meh.
I keep thinking about how good God is. He is the most gracious and loving father ever. He is the provider and protector. I am so glad that I serve such a marvelous Lord.
Cause I am, whoever you are.
I am constantly reminded that my life has a purpose bigger than my time here on earth.
I honestly have never, ever, been so frightened in my whole life before today
A car full of men can be so intimidating.
Please men, stop treating women like meat. Because 1. It is disrespectful and 2. It scares us.
I like this. A lot
Nothing to do. Except read books. And sleep in the sun.
I’m down with that.
Next summer. I am down for a road trip/camping adventure.
I felt this weight lifted from my soul tonight. In a moment, a blink if an eye, a beat of a heart, He took it all away.
There was no lightning or earthquake. It just happened. The Spirit spoke and I listened. Then everything was different.
God, you are all I need.
Such a simple statement. But it holds soul-altering truth.
You make me feel like a disappointment. Anytime I fail at anything, you throw this huge burden on me.
I am sorry I an not perfect. I fail. Often. I mess up, screw up and just down right fail. But I am human. An that’s what humans do. They fail.
Stop trying to force perfection on me.
I am not perfect. Christ is. And I am letting Him be my strength.
I am done searching for an inadequate dance partner. God is adequate. And He has asked me to dance.
Learning.
Exploring.
Shifting.
Transforming.
Challenging.
Solidifying.
A few themes from my present life story
It has been so long since I lost myself in a good novel. Time that I change that.
So many times we fail each other. Thats because we are human. But we have to learn to forgive. We must find strength in Christ to acknowledge what they did was wrong, but then cast the wrong as far as the east is from the west. And when the one who has wronged you feels equally wronged by you, it is hard to mend the wounds. Especially when they do not have the strength of Christ to help them forgive. But Christians have to be the bigger person. It is so very tough, but it is crucial.
Here is my prayer, that I start forgiving like Christ had forgiven me. I have struggled with this, so much with the people closest to me. And I cannot make them forgive me, that is where God’s grace has to work in their own hearts, but I can live like Christ, eyes set on Him, and hope that they notice the change that is being done in me.
I was asked this and answered truthfully, Jesus. This is only half true. I blog about my future often. I almost said it, but caught myself, and doubled up my first answer. Why did that embarrass me so much? If someone else were to have asked me, I would have told them, but it felt weird to say it to this person. It’s as though I didn’t want them to know I dream of how my future will be, because they might have somehow unlocked a secret part of those imaginations that I don’t want them of all people to know.
This is extremely vague, but I think that is best.
Sometimes I wish a cute boy would ask me out to coffee.
I love the sound of the word. Almost as much as I enjoy the act of fellowship. Today is a wonderful day for a barbecue and I am so overjoyed that I get to spend time with some dear people in my life. The Lord has truly blessed me with great friends and family who make my journey here in this little town hidden between Tacoma and Puyallup so full of adventure! What a day this is, this day that the Lord has made (:
Yes.
Welp, discovery channel. I am not going to watch your Bajillion hour special. I trust genesis.
A woman is not something to be worshiped. Your worship belongs to God.
Don’t worship her, fight for her. Those are two different things. She is a beauty, and you need to be the hero fighting for her. Make her feel like you are honestly pursing her like a prince or a mighty warrior would.
But once you have her, don’t put her on a shelf like a prize. You need to make her a part of your adventurous life. You need to sweep her onto your trusty steed and let her come with you. She was drawn to your strength and adventurous heart, so don’t lose them once you have her.
John Eldredge is taking these concepts of how God intends a man to be and is making them so comprehendible.
I have been at home for the past two weeks doing NOTHING. And I have been sitting in my little pity pool, thinking nobody cares enough to invite me anywhere and some more blah blah blahs. But I think God is trying to tell me something. Stop being dependent on people to boost my mood. I need to focus in on Him. His life giving, joy bringing, song inducing, shout raising love and presence. I am so people-dependent. To the point where I literally get sick if I am left alone to long. And this is a problem. I am supposed to be dependent on the Lord. He is the water that quenches my thirst. I keep trying to drink of this world, of “good hangs” and “good times”. But I am left thirsty.
So here is my cup God. Fill it with You. Let me drink and be refreshed. You are my life source.
I am wondering, how long are you going to keep me in my season of singleness? You have constantly reassured me that this is a crucially important season of my life, and I understand that. But I keep getting this image of me, ten years from now, and still in this season. I really don’t want it to last that long, but if it’s your will I will listen. I pray you comfort my heart in this season. Let me know that Your love has a hold of my heart. Because I know that I am a half. Like Eve was created for Adam, I was created for my future husband. So sometimes my heart starts to feel like it is missing something, and I pray you cover that loneleyness with your love and captivate me and let me focus my heart on pursing the heart in front of me now, Yours.
One day I’ll hold the hand of my other half, and that will be a beautiful day.
See that little bud on the top branch of the Jessie tree? It doesn’t look like much now, oh but give it time! The Lord is watering the Jessie tree, he is loving it, he is caring for it, tending to her broken branches. His glorious sun shines down on the Jessie tree, and she smiles at its life giving warmth. And that little bud is growing into a fruit. A fruit that in time will be ripe and ready to pick. But not yet. This fruit is still growing on the Jessie tree. It is not in season, it is not time to harvest this fruit yet. The Lord will know when the right time comes, and only he. Until that day, the Jessie tree will wait patiently for this fruit to be ready. She will wait in joy knowing that this good and beautiful fruit will put a smile on the harvesters face.
I am learning what it means for a man to be a man by reading a book by John Eldredge, wild at heart. Not because I am trying to be manly, no, rather I am trying to understand men. Actually, I am learning about how men are. Because God may not be a man or a woman in the sense that humans are gender specified, but he is our Father. And to understand how a man, the father of families, are biblically told to live, is going to help me understand the relationship I have with God my Father. And I know the Lord is going to reveal to me what a true man looks like, how he acts, how he lives his life. By knowing how my Father God loves me and cares about me and protects me, I am going to know what to look for in a husband. I am going to have an idea of the type of man God has in store for me to marry. It’s wonderfully amazing to know that I do have a Father who cares about me in a way that I have never know from anyone here on earth.
Welp, I am a little under the weather and my sleep schedule is all out of whack. All that helps is black gold. So keep it coming.
One a.m. on a Sunday and I am losing it. It feels like I am going to be stuck in this rut forever. I can’t help it, I can only see what is right in front of me and not knowing what is to come makes me anxious. I keep telling myself that everything will be dandy in five years, that I won’t have to deal with this. But that is not true. I will never have control over my life and things will never be easy. But when I laid down my will and control of my life, I wasn’t signing up for an easy life, rather a fulling life that WILL have struggles and hard times. Today it’s a sense of brokenness and solitariness, and five years from now it will be something different. But struggles do not mean I am forsaken, they mean it is an opportunity for God to take complete control.
I spent this afternoon by myself, exploring downtown puyallup. And I came to realize, I love being with people. Not just among them, but with people. I never realized how bad I am at being alone.
Our lives happen in seasons. And I am in a season of breakage.
But don’t worry, what ever is broken, destroyed, or even completely removed leaves room for something new to be put in it’s place.
A thought was provoked off of a reflection on this quote.
Religion. This word makes me think of a set of rules to follow. An order that must be kept. I think about the pharisees who were religious folk. They followed the law. They did what the old testament said to. But Jesus saw that their hearts were in the wrong. That they were hypocrites.
But believing Jesus is the savior of your soul, the redeemer, only way to our God the Father, this is so much more than a religion. There is no set of rules, no works that can be done to make us righteous before the Father. Only the belief that Jesus’s work and sacrifice is what makes us clean of sin. We ask for forgiveness and believe Jesus is Lord, and boom! We are forgiven.
Romans 10:9 says if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
So this my friends, shows how religion, trying to live by a set of rules and trying to be perfect, can be flawed. But a belief, no works attached, in Jesus saves us. This is an unearned gift of grace from God, a gift that will change your eternal life.
John 8:3-11. The story of the adulteress who Christ did not condemn. I get a picture of her, living her life after this, knowing what Jesus had done for her, knowing she did not have to live in fear of condemnation. And I can also imagine the people where she lived, who knew only that she had fallen and broken the law, not knowing that she was washed clean of her sin, or even some might have known, but they did not let her forget. I bet they brought it up constantly, that she had messed up. But that did not matter to her. What was important was that God did not count it against her, and that she was clean, given a new life.
This is simply an inference, not scripture.
I am irritated. Seriously. I pray that God grants me grace towards you, because I honestly cannot handle you 98 percent of the time.
Why does everything have to be an argument with you?
For reals. There is so much energy in this little-ish body right now. I just want move. Let’s have a dance party on top of a gold convertible named glowzell.
Don’t be afraid to diligently ask God to use you.
Pray that you are used as a church-planter. As an evangelist. A pastor. A teacher. A leader. A healer. As a world shaker.
Dream BIG. Pray for HUGE advancements of the Kingdom. The Lord will listen, and He will be faithful to answer our prayers.
Why? I know every single one of us has said it before. Why does God let bad things happen to this world? Rape, molestation, murder, abandonment, depression, suicide, earthquakes, hurricanes, the list goes on and on.
Well here’s the thing. We live in a fallen world. This is not heaven, it is not perfect. Bad things happen. All because of a piece of fruit, a little serpent and our free will. See, God has given us the ability to think for ourselves, to choose right from wrong. This way our choices to love and trust Him are not ones that are forced but we legitimately are moved into a surrender of ourselves because of His great love. But we have blown it. Each and every person who has ever walked this earth has done the exact opposite of what God intended for us to do, well everyone except Jesus. I’m not saying it shocked God that we disobeyed Him and went against the plan He has for us, He knows all things that have been, are being, and will be done. But us disobeying Him and falling out of relation with Him (sin separates us from God) is not what He intended, but it happened. But hallelujah! This is where Christ’s sacrifice comes in. Because of the PERFECT life Jesus lived and died, because of His perfect blood that was spilled we are able to be cleaned of our sins. There is still sin running rampant on the world, creating this evil we see, but it no longer has control over God’s people because we have been justified in Christ. It’s like Jesus has put His arms around us, taken us to the gates of heaven and said, God, they’re with me. And because of Jesus’s perfectness, God says alright! Bring them in!
So what I am trying to say, in a nutshell, is that human kind sinned because we are able to think and choose for ourselves, bringing evil into the world and the only thing that can clean the evil stained on us is Christ’s blood and us excepting Him as the savior.
